úterý 1. srpna 2017

Hello guys,
Today I decided, that I will share with you probably the most personal article I have ever written.
It's gonna be my anxiety and introvert-ism story. How these two things affected me and my life and how I have fought with them since then. Hope my story will help some of you.

Everything started in the time when I was about 15 years old and started to attend high school. I was so worried if I will find any friends because I knew, that I was shy girl, with no skills in small conversations. And you know that new school, new people. I bet, you were scared too.

Fortunately, I met a bunch of an amazing people and now I proudly call them my friends. Sounds like a perfect story, right? It was like a miracle, that I met the best people possible.
But, even if I have found friends and fellows for life quite easy, there was still that big storm inside me. There were still a lot of things, which nobody saw.

I have always somehow known, that I was different. I am different. I didn't fit in. I was always thinking outside of the box. I don´t want to follow the crowd, I want to make my own path. Leave my own footprint. Do you feel the same? Just keep reading.
And I didn't know, what's going on. I remember myself, that I was avoiding any social meetings or interactions. It was the time when we all in a class were just getting to know each other. We were going out and talking a lot.
Outset, I have left these meetings as a first person. Then, I started not to show up at all. I said, that I have plans, but I always stayed at home crying and overthinking, what the hell it's going on.

It was a very hard time of my life.
So, I did a thing, which I always do. I started to read. I read books, I read a lot of articles on the internet and later found out, that I'm not the only person feeling that way.

For a moment, I was feeling calmer and better, that I'm not "wrong". But, it wasn´t enough. I still didn't know, what's going on with me. Why I'm acting like this.

And then, after big research, I finally came up with the conclusion.
I'm an introvert. 
Boom. ( I admit, this was maybe so obvious for a lot of you, even for me now, but then I was much younger. I was just a teenage girl dealing with her feelings and emotions, which were quietly killing her inside.)
So I started to read a lot of articles about introverts. First days I was finally after a long period of time, happy. I have finally found, who I am. Introvert. Simple.

But then I realized, that so many articles were saying, that being the introvert is actually a bad thing. You are shy, rude, antisocial, you hate society, you don´t have friends and so on. You know it.

I was just a young week girl, so internet manipulated with me very easily and soon, I started to think, that I'm a bad person.

And I was at the beginning again. I started to search for things like "how to stop being an introvert", "how to be extrovert", "how to kill that introvert inside you and be a star". Of course, I failed.

Do you see? I was focusing all my energy on the thing, which can't be changed instead of focusing my energy to start loving myself again.

And then, I found one article, that had changed my life forever. I don't remember it clearly, but it was something like "10 myths about introverts". So I randomly clicked on it. And it opened my eyes.

This article beautifully explained how introverts think, why they act like they act, and, why the world needs introverts so much.

And you know what? It took me another time to process it all, but I finally started to accept that "introvert part in me". And not even accept it, I have started to love it.
I have started to be proud being an introvert and I have started to enjoy it.

Now, I don't have to hide it anymore. I can say it openly to everyone. I can make jokes about it. I finally found a way to myself again and I started to feel like a totally new person. I can say, that I LOVE BEING THE INTROVERT. I don´t want to be somebody else. It´s just part of me. Part, of who I am.

After this discovery, I started to love myself again. I became more confident. The storm inside me was way much calmer. I was me again. Just stronger, than ever.
But, there's too much fairytale bliss, because anxiety came on the scene. Introvertism and anxiety go hand in hand together. Unfortunately.

My happiness didn't stay long. I have started to be so anxious.
And you know what's the worst thing in anxiety? People, who don't have it will never understand those, who has. They will always shout at you, scream at you, make jokes at you, because you are not able to do simple things. Because your brain works like that.

They will never underestand how hard is to ask something. How hard is to make a phone call. How hard is to go somewhere and talk.
So after my good days, I had again fallen on the bottom. "You will never be happy," I said to myself.

Anxiety complicated my life so much. And it still does.
I´m trying to accept it, as I did with "introvert part". I´m trying to breathe hard, anytime, when it comes. I´m trying to comfort myself, that it´s okay. I´m trying not to overthink things because this is what my anxiety - the beast inside me, wants. I´m trying to win over it. Push my limits. Do the things, which I don´t want to do because my anxiety wants it that way.I´m trying to not listen to it.

And, it´s pretty hard sometimes.
I wish, I can tell, that I always win the battle, but I can´t. Sometimes, even if I´m trying to be strong, my anxiety wins.

But, you know what? I feel happy anyway. Because I know, that I have it. And I know, that every little victory against it, count. And I know that this beast can live forever. Once I will kill it.

What I have wanted to say with this article?
If you feel the same - if you feel, like your own thoughts are killing you, it doesn´t mean, you are wrong. If you feel, that you are different, it doesn´t mean, that you are a bad person.
Oh, my dear, it means, that you are the one, who has the power to move with this world. You just have to be brave enough, to accept who you truly are. And then, you have to start to love it.

with love,

18 komentářů :

  1. This is very brave to share, dear. You are so courageous and I respect you for that. I think, we all had those moments of feeling sad, low etc. I had it too. Trust me, and it's not something that I easily talk about, but now, I am thankful for all those feelings too. They made me stronger today. Now I know that I am the creator of my own life and I am living life to the fullest.
    Embrace all those parts of yourself babe, because you are unique and beautiful on your own way.

    Lots of love,

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. You are absolutely right, we are creators of our own life :) Bad days happened, but then we have to stand up and smile :)

  2. Beautiful and brave post I really appreciate you putting yourself out there x

  3. I love the honesty in this post. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. You can totally be happy even if you are one, and it just means that you are secure with yourself :)

    1. Thank you so much :) Yes you are right, there´s nothing wrong about introverts, they are unique and amazing :)

  4. I enjoyed reading this post, I can tell how far you've come and how much stronger you are now. It's not easy to admit that you're different, it's not easy to admit that you're introvert and anxious, but in the end, it will make you strong. Be the best version of yourself, stay true to yourself and you will find peace. And that's all that matters.
    BS, xx |

    1. You are totally right! Thank you so much for nice words :)

  5. You've been through a rough path & I'm sure sharing this will help others and the most importantly, you. I wish you all the best!

  6. Your words at the end of this post are so true..I'm glad you can encourage people and reflect positivity through your story

  7. I can completely relate to you in this post., I like how you really spoke from the heart. Keep being you.

  8. I am introverted by nature but during these past few years I think I've struck a balance - and blogging has helped me a lot!
    I've met so many people, I'm having regular conversations with my readers and fellow bloggers, my confidence has been boosted and I don't feel afraid of human interaction anymore.
    Although it still can be a bit tiring, ha! :D
    Wish you nothing but the best :*

    1. Thank you so much. Yes, you are right, blogging is helping a lot! It works for me as well :) I haven´t thought I will ever write something like this, but I feel much more confident now :)

  9. Wonderful reading dear! I love the conclusion in the end, ''you are the one''. so so true. I have always been an introvert but instead of seeing this as a bad thing i turned it to the best thing ever happen to me. I love being me, taking extra time with my self, etc. Anxiety has recently knocked on my door but i am trying to keep things calm. Again, congratulations on this beautiful article.

    1. Thank you so much :) You are speaking from my heart. Everybody needs to start loving yourself. :)


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